There was no literature, no TV, or movies to turn to. I remember thinking that something was wrong with me, that perhaps this had to do with my cerebral palsy and I wasn’t able to have sex like the rest of my able-bodied peers. TIME is trying to escort me off the premises.) Mortified, I tried to Google “anal sex accident” but it was 2004-the era of Ask Jeeves-and Jeeves could not or WOULD NOT go there. When I wrote a scene in Season 2 of Special where my boyfriend defecates on me during intercourse (can I write that sentence in TIME?), I was writing that scene for 17-year-old me, who lost his virginity and actually did sh-t on his boyfriend in the process.
Here’s how I can make sense of it: I write things that will act as a balm for a younger version of me.
